Stephanie Ford • 11 min read • 12
Today’s post is by Stephanie, another Australian who’s got started Russian that is learning while in Russia.
In this post she stocks about her experience as a lady dating in Russia while learning the language. This will be a subject we have actually a great deal to state about myself as I’d a Russian gf inside my time in Kazan that we partly credit with assisting me discover the language therefore quickly (links to my tale below).
Therefore it’s interesting to listen to another perspective – especially the one that respects the original values of Russian culture. ??
Russia is portrayed into the western as a cool, difficult spot with a few magical architecture, array vodka shots, and a leader whom dances with bears and whom, for a few unfathomable reason, never ever wears a top.
The folks are portrayed when you look at the countless US movies featuring Russians as spies or users of gangs whom continue steadily to make reference to one another solely as comrade (which, incidentally, is just a term that came into English through the Romance languages and it is never a word that is russian! Whom knew?! ).
Whilst it really is cold, vodka undoubtedly exists, and calendars having a shirtless putin and puppies aren’t in short supply, you can find one thousand misconceptions about Russian tradition and folks.
After residing right here for very long sufficient to get a significant glimpse into Russian culture, here you will find the things that i’d like you to understand about Russia and Russians:
That I do not condone any “traditional” view of women that involves domestic violence or any kind of behaviour that devalues, disrespects or degrades the importance of the woman’s free will before I get stuck into this point, I want to make it clear.
The things I do desire to state is the fact that, as a financially-independent Western girl, EVERYONE LOVES that Russian males hold doorways open for me personally which help me down buses.
Do We expect it? No.
Does it enrage me personally when it will or does not take place? Not at all.
Do i’m a flutter that is small of in my own belly whenever my date does it? Without a doubt I Really Do!
It’s a respectful motion and it implies that they’re capable of thinking about other people. If nothing else, that is certainly a lot better than having a person yell “nice arse” at me personally from a car or truck…
It’s a tad bit more complicated away from the dating scene.
I’m grateful when a person helps me straight straight down through the train or bus. I’m Australian and I also have always been maybe maybe not yet comfortable leaping down something only a little higher than I’d so it is genuinely helpful like it to be when my landing space is covered in snow and ice.
It’s additionally heartwarming to see guys helping ladies with prams, shopping bags/trolleys or other things up the stairs, BUT i am going to admit that I’m suspicious of just just what my male 14-year-old pupils are as much as if they insist upon keeping the class home available for me personally. ??
It is additionally only a little bewildering whenever an senior woman rejects my offer to greatly help her along with her shopping, and then accept the offer associated with next male that is passing.
Russia is certainly not a impairment friendly invest numerous methods, and so I do question whether these gestures that being increasingly scrutinized within the West and called away as possibly being “sexist” are borne of prerequisite and consideration, never as a direct result a far more “traditional” view of females.
The point is, once I remember the battles that I had with lazy/tired Melbourne workers for the train chair once I had stitches in my own base and compare it aided by the Russians leaping down their seats to assist anybody somewhat even worse off than by themselves, i believe the western could discover a thing or two.
Therefore, whilst I like the doorways which have exposed for me personally on the dating scene since we relocated to Russia (pun meant), We haven’t exactly gamed the machine and discovered excellence here.
There are particular objectives that can come along side being a female in Russia that we don’t always donate to. I’m a pretty low-to-zero maintenance woman, within the feeling myself and my usual hairstyle is “yes, my hair has been washed recently enough and then left to its own devices” that I don’t spend a ton of time maintaining.
We definitely don’t appearance or odor like We invested the past 3 years coping with Russian bears, but, set alongside the effort place in by Russian ladies, i could oftimes be most readily useful described as simple.
A number of my male friends and times have actually brought this through to lots of occasions.
A few of the responses are innocuous:
“You don’t look or dress like a Russian”
Some are a tad bit more overt:
“Have you ever seriously considered having your teeth whitened? ”
But them all proof that my mindset is definitely a quirk that Russian men notice.
In Australia, ladies who cannot prepare or whom don’t simply simply take ownership of housekeeping duties aren’t likely to be ostracized these times. We have firsthand experience and a number of anecdotes that recommend Russian guys choose ladies who will tackle these tasks with a smile.
The Russian man that I’ve been seeing is very happy to prepare. He really makes me elaborate breakfasts whenever we remain.
He’s additionally a lot more than happy to simply take the backseat on almost every other meal and makes a show of complimenting me whenever we prepare.
No foul it’s a little Pavlovian, but for now I find it cute so no harm.
Another social huge difference that I’ve noticed is the fact that male-female friendships aren’t typical. Pupils within my classes have actually raised their eyebrows more often than once whenever I’ve mentioned spending some time with a male buddy.
Navigating friendships with Russian guys could be tricky because their motives will tend to be a small different to your own personal.
This truly exists within Western tradition, however the undertones take steroids in Russia, where wedding and kiddies are hot topics among the moms and dads of solitary people within their mid-to-late twenties.